I don’t know anymore…I want my bubble back

I don’t know why God has brought me here and I don’t know what He’s doing anymore. Tonight I tired to look good and go out with my flat and it started out good. We went to this cool jazz club and then to this dance club. All was fine until it got really late 2am and I was getting tired. Now, most of you know I am not the party girl, at all. I rather watch movies and eat junk food than go out and drink. People here esp. half of my flat don’t get that. I was with one girl while she was smoking outside and I just wanted a break from having to dance so much. She starts talking to me about how I need to just take it easy and not be so uptight. Uptight? What? We had just talked about sex and the war, I know right to random ones to talk about but I gave my opinion and totally killed the mood. She made it sound like I was snobby and stuck up. I tried to explain to her that just because I like to go to church and have high standards for myself does not mean I am stuck up. It sucks. I hope all people don’t think of me like that, but I guess they do. Well, they don’t know me very well. I like the fact that I don’t party hard core, I like the fact that I’ve worshipped with muslims, jews, and christians at interfaith camp, I like these things about me. I have never ever tried to push my values on anyone else EVER. I’ve only tired to explain why I believe what I do. It really made me upset even though I think I made her understand my side more. A lot of negative attitudes towards religion i guess, but it really hurt my feelings. How am I ever going to survive here? I am trying so hard to fit in and and be more out going, but it blows up in my face. I don’t understand, I thought I gave a good effort tonight, we went to two clubs and even though I couldn’t go to the third, I thought I still did good. I even took a shot which I hate cause they taste nasty. I know I said that I needed to get out of the Gordon bubble to learn how to survive in the “real world.” Well, the real world sucks and I’d take the bubble back any second.


One response to “I don’t know anymore…I want my bubble back

  1. All people do not think of you like that! The best advice I can give you is to be yourself Kerker – although it will be very hard at first, people will respect you for who you are soon. I’m sorry its so hard. There is always someone like you- and I”m sure you will find a friend who will like to explore the way you do and step out of your comfort zone and go out for a little bit and then go back and watch movies 🙂 Hang in there girl- the beginning is always the hardest!!!


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