Trusting God

Well, I just completed my first final here at the University of Edinburgh and it wasn’t too bad. I was really nervous when I woke up, rushing around, and talking to myself a little to try to relax. I usually don’t get too nervous, you can always study more, but I felt like I had studied the best I could. Once I got in the hall, I felt at ease. We were taking our exam in this beautiful Great Hall, which reminded me of Harry Potter. There were rows of desks all lined up, each with a number. We had to sit in certain places depending on what class your taking and if you were a visiting student. We all had the same test but different people grade the visiting ones. All tests are graded anonymously, so the people don’t know who you are, so I don’t get why we have to sit separately. Surrounded by statues of famous people, writers, philosophers, etc, it was kind of nice. It felt like these guys were here before me taking a similar exam and they succeeded. I felt calmer relaxed and ok. The test was just what I expected and I felt confident when I walked out. Had a good convo with one of the girls who finished around the same time. I was so excited to be done I practically ran and skipped home. I had gotten a package from my parents earlier in the morning and I got amazing candy! Eating skittles made the day. Skittles from home are so much better than here, no offense Scotland. I think I did pretty well, might get a few points off for not quoting a lot but I re-read it twice before I left, so I feel good about it. I won’t find out my grade until June or July. I hope my next final; New Testament 2 will be just as calm as this one. I’m going to not study today and start tomorrow to give my brain some rest.
I leave Edinburgh 13-12 days from now and I am excited. I have started the packing process, which made my room a hot mess! I have no idea how I am going to pack up my whole little life I’ve made and collected here, but it has to happen some way! I sent out lots of postcards since arriving here but some have either gotten lost or something because people haven’t been receiving them, sad, but it’s out of my control. I hope they come eventually.
Lately I’ve been reading a lot besides for revision. Right now I am reading Trusting God by Jerry Bridges and Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper. Amazing Emily lent me these books along with The Cross-Centred Life by C.J. Mahaney which our church has been having sermons on this month, as well as The St. Andrews Seven by Stuart Piggin. I asked Emily if she had any books that impacted her life and these where the ones she gave me. I am really glad because I’ve already learned so much. Trusting God is definitely challenging for me because I worry a lot and I get upset when bad things happen not only to me but also to the world. I have a hard time, always thinking that God turns away when these things happen, but I’ve been learning that He does not. Here are some things I’ve been learning from the first few chapters.
“When we disobey God we defy His authority and despise His holiness. But when we fail to trust God we doubt His sovereignty and question His goodness.” Sovereignty is that God is powerful and rules over all. It’s not hard to realise that yes when crappy and horrible things happen we question God’s goodness. Its hard for us to not to. If God is so good then why all the horrible things? It is for the glory of God in the end. Everything that happens is for the goodness of God even if we don’t understand how or why. “God is completely sovereign, God is infinite wisdom, and God is perfect love.” It’s easy to accept these when things are going good, but when things are going bad, we begin to wonder what He is up to. “God in His love always wills what is best for us. In His wisdom He always knows what is best, and in His sovereignty He has the power to bring it about.” How was it best for me to have my grandpas die? How was it best for me to watch the world slowly get worse everyday? I don’t know, I won’t know until I see God face to face, but in some way it is for my good. It is hard for me to wrap my head around this. “Paul acknowledged what we must acknowledge if we are to trust God. “God’s plan and His ways of working out His plan are frequently beyond our ability to fathom and understand. We must learn to trust when we don’t understand.” This makes sense because God works in mysterious ways, we simply have to trust. When we grieve or are going through hard times it is extremely difficult to fully trust God. It is hard to just say “ok, I realize that this is just apart of God’s plan and I won’t understand it until I see Him in Heaven”, but in reality it does not happen that way. People may suffer for years before they can come to terms with what God has done and figuring out why. “God’s providence is His constant care for and His absolute rule over all His creation for His own glory and the good of His people.” The key words are constant care, absolute rule, and all creation. “If we are to trust God, we must learn to see that He is continuously at work in every aspect and every moment of our lives.” This gives me comfort, crappy stuff happens but if we trust Him, maybe we will be able to come to terms with the bad stuff and become closer to Him through it. “All circumstances are under the controlling hand of our sovereign God, who is working them out in our lives for our good.” Really? What about all the wars, young children who die everyday because of lack of food and water? I know that God’s people head down and help them, but when is it going to end so they can live a sustaining life? This I need to take to God, maybe He will shed some light on these questions for me.
Another thing I’ve been struggling with is the “if only” syndrome. “If only I had done this”, or “If only that had no happened.” But again, “God has no, “if onlys” God never makes a mistake; God has no regrets. As for God, his way is perfect” (Psalm 18:30). We can trust God. He is trustworthy.” That is what we need to remember in the good times and the bad. We just need to take our time, remember to trust Him and keep praying and walking with Him. Hard topics to deal with but hopefully some of these things will come to mind in the midst of pain and suffering.
So, that’s what I’ve been learning; pretty heavy stuff but also comforting at the same time. My experience thus far here in Edinburgh has been all about trusting God. I wouldn’t have made it through without it. More on this to come.
In Christ,
Kp

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